How Your Reluctance Might be a Barrier to Growth

Not many of us seek opportunities to be uncomfortable. But maybe we should. I believe it is part of our self-preservation — put the blinders on to avoid taking a deep look at what might actually be holding us back. Have you ever considered how your reluctance might be a barrier to your growth?

Years ago my husband and I started riding a tandem bike together. Its been a great hobby we enjoy together. When my husband upgraded his single road bike, I inherited his old one. My role changed from a backseat passenger to being the one in charge.

It was almost like learning to ride a bike all over again. I had taken for granted the skills of steering, shifting, and balance. My shoulders ached and my fingers would go numb from the death grip I had on the brake hoods. Should I dare move my fingers from the brakes I might lose my balance as I maneuver the turns of the trail.

My husband was a great coach, riding alongside giving pointers and keeping me company as I acclimated to my new bike. On one of our rides, I felt exhausted as we neared the end. My husband was encouraging me to keep my pedals in continual motion which meant I needed to shift often as the trail went up and down.

As we rounded a corner he said: “You need to shift up.”

I don’t know if it was exhaustion or frustration taking over, but I quickly snapped back “I will shift when I want to!!”

He was kind and gracious and confirmed my ability to choose when to shift. I immediately felt a pang of regret and apologized blaming my attitude on my physical condition.

No sooner had we walked into the house when my sister called. She shared a talk she had just listened to by Diane Thueson Reich entitled On Change and Becoming: Thoughts from a Reluctant Grower. As soon as I heard the title I felt a nagging reminder of my reaction on our bike ride.

Thoughts About Being Reluctant

My husband is a very experienced biker. His encouragement and suggestions were to help me progress and become better. Yet I trusted in my own understanding, my own level of confidence, my own reluctance. I began to question: How often do I do this every day?

I may not be biking on a trail, but I’m riding through life gaining speed and confidence in my own abilities. When it comes to things that are not my idea it is easy to respond with reluctance. I’m really good and digging in my heels and pushing back when it comes to change. It’s a natural response because it’s comfortable. Not many of us seek out opportunities to be uncomfortable. But maybe we should.

The Growth Equation

I’ve always thought of stress as an inhibitor to my growth, but recent research by Brad Stulberg suggests seeking things outside of our comfort zone are an important key to growth.

Studies show both the body and the brain respond to stress by becoming stronger. -Brad Stulberg Click To Tweet

This type of stress is not pushing so hard we end up in the hospital because we are either emotionally or physically injured. Stulberg is talking about pushing to just the edge of what is comfortable. I think of it like stretching. With each stretch, you go just a little farther to push your muscles.

Stress is only the first part of the equation. After pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zone we should follow up with rest.

Pushing too hard too often — stress without rest — doesn’t lead to growth. It leads to fatigue and burnout. — Brad Stulberg Click To Tweet

I feel like the last thing I can do when I’m stressed is to stop and take time out to recover. But the balance between stress and rest is essential to the final outcome of growth.

Stress + Rest = Growth

Overcoming My Reluctant Side

I consider myself a hard worker. I can be the most determined and purposeful person when I set my mind to something; yet, I have this other side — my reluctant alter ego. It is slow to adapt to change, and challenges opportunities to grow because they seem uncomfortable.

It is not easy to overcome my reluctant side. My hard heart and proud attitude feed my resistant will. But time has taught me a few things. When I trust in my own knowledge and understanding my growth usually becomes stagnant, but when I work to keep an open mind and soft heart my perspective changes a little bit. I’ve come to realize I can do almost anything, but I cannot be anything without working to grow.

The Difference Between Doing and Being

I can be a taskmaster when it comes to lists and checking off things to do, but I think I’ve got the order of things a little mixed up. We become what we set our hearts upon, and if our desire is to do something without stopping to think about what we are becoming we might be surprised at what we end up being.

Heavenly Father does not just want me to do something; He wants me to become something. When I am striving to become, my heart will turn toward the things that I must do.” Diane Thueson Reich

Heavenly Father does not just want me to do something; He wants me to become something. — Diane Thueson Reich Click To Tweet

I’ve always had a sort of fascination with the use of the word heart. People can be described as hard-hearted, having a brave heart, or being pure in heart. Our heart is the keeper of our deepest dreams and desires. The condition of our heart is a reflection of our soul.

Those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit are willing to do anything and everything that God asks of them, without resistance or resentment. We cease doing things our way and learn to do them God’s way instead. In such a condition of submissiveness, the Atonement can take effect and true repentance can occur.” Bruce D. Porter

When it comes to being and becoming it all is dependent on my heart.

What Reluctance Has Taught Me

Maybe some of this has resonated with you, maybe it hasn’t. For me, it has been a sort of wake-up call. My reluctance to learn and grow doesn’t move me in the direction I want to go. I get caught up in doing things my way, and what I want to become is not aligning with who I am.

So today I’m not going to try to be an expert road bike rider, but maybe I’ll accept being just a little better than I was yesterday because I tried to become better today.

When have you felt reluctant to change?

Thueson, Diane. Retrieved 2017. BYU Speeches.
Stulberg, Brad. Retrieved 2017. Thrive Global. Porter, Bruce D. Retrieved 2017.

This article was originally published on Live.Grow.Give. Evolve! as Why Pushing Outside of My Comfort Zone is Essential

I’m a wife, mother, friend, and storyteller. I have a love for learning, giggling with my grandson and tandem biking with my husband. I believe wisdom goes beyond being smart or having basic knowledge. It is the culmination of experiences that help us become. While each of our challenges may be unique, we have the opportunity to choose how we will react, learn and grow. My journey has taught me that I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a voice to share what I’ve learned. Life can either teach us or defeat us — the choice is ours.

Originally published at on April 30, 2018.

Tandem biker, lemon lover, and wisdom searcher. You can find more of Lori’s writing at

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